How to go insane in one day

I don’t find the casting process fun. It’s tiring, you hear your words trampled fifty different ways, and you’re well aware that these are most crucial decisions you will ever make on your project. Scripts can be fixed, scenes can be reshot, but if you have the wrong actors you’re dead. So there is a tremendous amount of pressure – not just for the actors but for the producers as well.

In fairness, sometimes it can be fun. There is that glorious moment when an actor just nails it. Or even better, brings something to the role that you didn’t expect. Those are magic. Also, casting smoking hot babes is not a bad way to kill an afternoon either. All these spectacular women who normally, if you were on fire, wouldn’t piss on you to put it out, now are yearning for your approval. That helps ease the pain of high school.

But most of the time casting is a drag. And the very worst is having to cast children. Most are so overly precocious and overly-rehearsed by their overbearing stage mothers that you want to scream “Quick! Run to a park! Go play with your friends. Pick up a baseball or Barbie before it’s too late!”

It’s never easy rejecting anybody, but for me it’s excruciating having to reject a child. And casting is 99% rejection. I don’t want to be the one to dash some 9 year-old’s dream.

That is why a cold shiver went right up my spine when I read recently that on Broadway there will be a new revival of ANNIE and the producers held an open audition. I can’t even imagine. Thousands of little girls all belting out “Tomorrow”. This should be outlawed by the Geneva Convention.

I give the producers enormous credit. They’re not willing to settle. You would think that out of several thousand adorable cherubs there would be at least one perfect “Annie”. And maybe there is, but these producers are not leaving any stones unturned. In addition to the open auditions, hopefuls are invited to submit videos. I’m sure they were inundated with tens of thousands of entries. To me, reviewing these videos makes waterboarding seem like a Whammo Slip N’ Slide. I applaud the producers’ dedication. And stamina.

But I’m sure it will be worth it. That special “Annie” is out there. Although, maybe several girls were very impressive.  Oh no.  Does that mean call-backs?

AAAAAAAA!!!!