Matthew Weiner, the brilliant creator of MAD MEN, said earlier this week that he plans for the show’s saga to end in 2011. This could be the final scene from that final episode.
EXT. MOTION PICTURE COUNTRY HOME – DAY
85-year-old Don Draper has just emerged from an iron lung. 72-year-old Peggy is there.
DON: Where are my cigarettes?
PEGGY: You shouldn’t be smoking, Don.
DON: Don? Is that my name?
PEGGY: Well, that and Dick Whitman.
DON: Jesus Christ! I can’t remember one name. And now I have to remember two?
PEGGY: The doctor said you have to give up smoking and stop proposing to the nurses.
DON: I need to be in a relationship. That’s the only way I can experience inner peace. Ask my eleven ex-wives.
PEGGY: Believe me, I’ve had long conversations with the other ten.
DON: Where’s Sally? Why hasn’t she come to visit me? After all the nurturing and comfort I gave her as a child!
PEGGY: Don or Dick, you remember. She’s serving a life sentence for killing her mother.
DON: Oh. Right. Y’know, I still keep a picture of Betty. It’s right there on my nightstand.
PEGGY: It’s hard to recognize her with all that blood.
DON: She’ll always be my little “Exhibit A”.
PEGGY: You’re lucky she wasn’t executed.
DON: She was. Shot point blank. They still talk about it at Gelsons.
PEGGY: No. I mean Sally. She should have gotten the chair.
DON: Well, Governor Pete Campbell owed me a favor. Where’s Roger? How come he never visits me?
PEGGY: He’s dead.
DON: Oh. I might’ve heard that. Let me guess – he drank himself to death.
PEGGY: Yep. Christmas Day. 1968.
DON: Was it painful?
PEGGY: No. He died in Joan's breasts.
DON: It’s a tragedy he wasn’t around to watch his illegitimate child with Joan grow up or see the grand opening of the new BevMo store in Alhambra.
Bobby enters with a DVD. He’s in his early 60’s.
BOBBY: Hi, Dad.
DON: Roger? Roger? Is that you? Those BevMo stores deliver!
BOBBY: No. It’s your son, Bobby.
DON: Oh. Right. Roger’s dead. I've got to put up some post-its.
BOBBY: It’s good to see you, Dad. I brought you a movie. BRIDESMAIDS.
DON: Thanks. Which Bobby are you?
BOBBY: The third one, Dad.
DON: The one who wears dresses?
BOBBY: No, that’s Bobby number two.
DON: The one who’s living on the streets?
BOBBY: No, that was Bobby number one, and he thanks you for that five-dollar check for his birthday.
PEGGY: You gave your homeless son five dollars?
DON: He was my favorite. Joan had a nice rack, by the way.
BOBBY: No, I’m the one that opened the daycare center.
DON: Oh. Right. How’s that going?
BOBBY: Could be better. Do you remember the name of Sally’s lawyer?
DON: I need a cigarette! Or a new wife!
BOBBY: The doctors gave you strict orders: No re-marrying.
DON: I hate my life! I hate everything about my life. Do you know what it’s like to live a lie for 85 years. Well, live two lies. No, three. Eight. No more than ten. But it’s a private hell with no escape. Have I made some mistakes in my life? (CONSIDERING) No. Not really. But would I do things differently? (CONSIDERING) Well, Dick would but Don wouldn’t. Still, the point is that over all this time I’ve been searching for some meaning, some reason for it all. And I can never find it.
BOBBY: Well, surely you’ve come close.
DON: No. All I’ve come up with are metaphors and symbolism and they’re too subtle even for me. Oh well. I guess that’s what BevMo is for.
PEGGY: “That’s what BevMo is for”. Brilliant! They’ve been looking for a new slogan.
DON: Yeah. Hey, I’ve still got it!
CUT TO BLACK:
“The Unicorn Song” by the Irish Rovers begins to play.
DON (V.O.): Hey, what’s that music? “The Unicorn Song”? What does that even mean? See, there’s that Goddamn symbolism again! Seriously, what the fuck does that have to do with anything? And why is it now dark? Uh oh. Am I dead? Christ! They won’t even tell me I’m dead? Roger? Roger, are you around? God, I need a cigarette!
THE END
